After 23 years on the road, I want to honestly share what I discovered about the cost to us as safety professionals and risk managers from being away from home. Some of what I share, I just learned. My wife offered her insight as well.
We see ourselves as the first responders in the construction field. We are a unique group, for we can save the lives of people we may never meet. That's a heady philosophy, and we pride ourselves on that. It drives us to spend time in the field where safety medicine is best applied while trying to stay within sight of the corporate goals. We feel if we are not seen by leadership, we will be forgotten. So you see mindless LinkedIn notices of sites visited by safety directors, and we are always in the picture, corporate confirmation of our care.
The relationships we build in the field are the keys to helping those sons and daughters doing the work understand why they need to take and use our advice. We can't do that from the main office or our homes. We rely on maintaining those trusting relationships and, more often, true friendships. There is an unspoken cost to that sacrifice. Yes, it's a sacrifice. A sacrifice we make but also a sacrifice we place on others. We do not see that.
Road warriors share some habits.
- We will jump on a plane in the blink of an eye to soothe an angry client or help investigate a serious incident.
- Any call is important. We put ourselves in a position where if someone in the field has a question, they understand they can call us at any time. We are never sure if the call is about the correct way to rig a crane, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration has arrived, or 911 was just called. We may not know the reason, but we do know someone needs our help.
- When planning a vacation, we first look at our work calendar and then our family calendar. A school play is important, but a client meeting cannot be rescheduled for a 10-year-old starring in Frozen.
- When we get on that family vacation, we do not shut off work. Someone we care about may call and they need us, and we need to be available for them. Always. We think.
- We will not set our "Out of Office" on our emails because we feel guilty to be diving in Key West when construction work goes on in Tempe.
- We know a Zoom call does little to affect those in the field. Walking and talking with a project manager works very well.
- We reason with our families that our time away working provides the cash for a vacation and the frequent flier miles to make it "special."
Recently I retired, and the following is what I learned.
I had traveled over 700,000 miles in a plane, thousands of miles in rentals, and 2,600 nights away from those I love. Since retiring in 2023, I have yet to fit into my wife's daily routine. We are clumsy around each other. That kills me. Most conversations about our kids growing up start with "You weren't there but …" or "You remember … oh, I had to handle that on my own." When told about my two boys in school, who often tested the system, "Of course the school called me; you were out of town." I had no idea.
My dad was a traveling salesman for Gerstenslager, a firm in Wooster, Ohio, that built fire and rescue trucks. He covered the Northeast. I remember him during those days in his office downstairs or gone. Rarely at the kitchen table. I did that to my family. So, I offer some tips for the road warrior and their leaders.
Road Warrior Tips
Our work can kill us. I am writing this during suicide prevention week and just noted an article from one of the nation's largest insurers about suicide in construction. They went through the horrible statistics and offered tools for managers but no tools for those managing. A great friend of mine, a project manager, took his life just a few days after we spoke about an upcoming trip. It's not uncommon.
The suicide rate for all workers is 32.0 out of 100,000 workers. For construction managers, it's 41.1, almost a third higher. Take the time to read and share this article by Shannon Pettypiece for NBC News about those doing safety work and their battles: "Construction Workers Are Dying by Suicide at an Alarming Rate."
My tips for the road warriors.
- Start the trip right. No one will remember that you got up at 3:30 a.m. to make the early flight, so you could then put in a full day of work, except those you left behind. Take the time to get the kids off to school then head for the airport.
- The job is important but never more important than what is going on at home. That's tough to recognize, but it's the truth. Where there is a hard feeling about your traveling from the home front, that bell can never be unrung unless you halt it. I created that habit and am living that now.
- If you're home with the family and heading for pizza and pass by something unsafe like a guy on a ladder that's near a power line, turn around, stop, and have a conversation with those at risk. Then continue on. Your spouse and kids in the car will better understand your passion and how much you care about life, even when you're not home. You're a life saver. Show them.
- Always bring something home, be it a jar of local jam or a vase from a nearby pottery shop. It matters and is appreciated.
- Check with your spouse before putting something on the calendar; let them be part of the decision.
- Shed some of the load. It pains me to see the same safety directors go to the same safety conferences year after year. Give your staff that same opportunity. Please. After repeat conferences, you will find yourselves asking who you know is attending the next and where to meet for a drink. It's no longer about what you can learn.
- One night on the road is palpable. Make that a promise to your family and standard with your firm.
- Give your miles, hotel points, or air travel to your kids or family because you don't deserve them.
- Find a job that's local. I loved traveling and found something interesting in every country I visited. No one was with me to share that, which was my choice. It can be tough to bring a spouse along but at least offer.
Tips for Leaders
When hiring someone, carefully explore the effect of telling someone that they will be on the road 75 percent of the time. Be up front and ask if they would rather work closer to their family. Then listen. Make them tell you what they know is true and not what you want to hear.
Don't just focus on your employees, and consider your own situation. I know of way too many leaders who are divorced or recovering from addiction. Imagine the stresses of someone trying to lead a corporation or region while trying to quietly find the local Alcoholics Anonymous breakfast meeting each day. It's more common than you know. I have visited sites and picked up the project manager because he had too many DWIs and was not able to legally drive.
Coach your workers on pushing back when you push too hard. During COVID, our staff was constructing a $1 billion data center. When the safety staff was sickened, I asked to fill in. I drove 15 hours to open the gate the following day.
Offer to pay for a spouse to tag along on the longer trips, even if only for a few days. That's the right thing to do.
Summary
My wife looked this article over, and I asked for her unedited thoughts in closing.
I'm not sure any road warrior really wants to know what goes on at home. It's tough. I think the other statistic that needs to be looked at is the divorce rate. I suspect it's up there. Having a husband who is over-dedicated to his profession is not for the faint of heart. I did not work a full-time job because I was the only one home with our sons while my husband was on the road. Yes, I spent many, many hours being angry. Angry at him, angry at his employers, angry at those who needed his help. I resented all of you. And yet, out of all of that, I've been able to live in places and meet people I probably never would have otherwise. I have friendships that were borne out of TJ's travels. I'm still, after all these years, getting used to the fact that he has friendships with people I will never meet. He experienced things I will never share with him.
The lost time with the family, baseball games, school plays, birthdays, and, yes, holidays and having to deal with tragedy and tough times alone is something you never get used to. I hated the overseas travel because it meant having to juggle time changes with our once-a-day phone calls. It meant I had to make a list of all the things I needed to tell him and hold onto the thoughts I wanted to share with him. And, when he returned home it took a few days to get back into the swing of things, and then he'd be off again. Don't get me wrong, my husband chose this profession. I know he's wired to do the things he does. That's just the way life is for us. During good times and bad, we somehow managed to make our life work.
My one piece of advice to road warrior couples: Regardless of where you are, be present for one another. No distractions. Make those daily connections your time.
There are no easy answers to making it easier for the "traveler" or to put an end to that role, but we need to start exposing the damage done.
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